Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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