I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
