Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
