her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
