i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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