i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
