And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
