I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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