O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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