just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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