My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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