So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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