why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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