Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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