He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
