At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
