Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
