im six kinds of drunk right now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
