??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
