Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
