She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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