you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
