youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
