so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
