I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
