i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
