So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
