a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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