I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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