Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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