I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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