Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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