Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Come see our sink grown plant.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
