My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
