mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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