he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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