Define "chronic" masturbator.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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