You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
