I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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