You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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