new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
