I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
