OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
