is your mom at the bar?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they're like a gay fantastic four
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
