Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
