so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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