Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
