I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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