Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
