You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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