Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
