bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
