My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
