Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
