i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
