So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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