Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
